The CavBlog

Why me?

2008-06-03T08:30:00.002+01:00

Today's commute into work on the bus saw me sitting next to a old gent who repeatedly took his teeth out, inspected them and then popped them back in with a satisfying klakk. Marvelous.

On being trapped in a revolving door with a monumental grannie

2008-03-26T08:22:00.005Z

It's been a while since I posted anything here as I've been a tad on the busy side, but I feel I have to share this experience. It's traumatised me for a week now and I feel getting down on paper, or even on a blog, will be a soothing process.

Picture the scene. There I am walking into work, minding my own business. I may even have been whistling a jaunty tune, who knows, but all was well with the world.

I arrive at our offices to find a rather large older lady trying to push the revolving doors the wrong way. I could have nipped in the side door but I thought I'd be a good samaritan and so said, 'You're pushing it the wrong way, my love.' She waddled back, slightly red in the face from her exertion and replied, 'You go first, dear, you'll know what you're doing.' So I step into the little compartment and start pushing. With no warning the woman shoots into the same segment of the revolving door with me. It's a bit of a squeeze but I think, don't worry, it'll be over soon. For some reason she stops walking and so the entire contraption comes to a shuddering halt. There we are trapped in the door and before I know she panics and tries to push the other way again. So there I am trying to shove us out of this claustrophobic situation with the full weight of an stocky grannie holding us back and little room to even breathe - a feat made even more difficult by the fact that she seemed to have applied her sickly lavender perfume with a fireman's house that morning. At first I'm polite but after 20 seconds of wrestling with the doors I lose my rag and snap at her to let me do it.

After what seems like a century or two she gives in and I manage to push the door around until I can pop out, a frazzled, sweaty shadow of the cheerful chappy I'd been just ten minutes earlier. To add insult to injury my guilt gland kicked in and I found myself apologising for snapping. Thankfully she wobbled off to talk to wake up the security guard who sleeps behind our front desk and I could jump into the lift. Thankfully the doors shut before she could attack me in there too.

Unfortunately, the work colleagues who witnessed my trial by revolving door are still chuckling about it to this day, but for me its the stuff of nightmares. I haven't used the revolving door since.

There, that feels better. Thank you for listening.

Prince Philip

2007-11-26T22:35:00.000Z

Ah, you've got to love him... but I wish he was always dubbed by Hugh Dennis...

Appalled

2007-11-22T10:43:00.000Z

You know I can live with email spam. I just chuck it in the spam folder on my email client. No skin off my nose.
I can cope with those mails offering me the chance to extend my manhood. The viagra ads don't offend me.
But today I had a spam email from a company suggesting that I might like to buy a Micheal Ball live in concert DVD.

HOW VERY DARE THEY!

Of Craven and festive Time Lords

2007-11-21T21:35:00.000Z

OK, so I've been the worst blogger in the world and I apologise, but unfortunately I've been a bit busy.

Here's some of what I've been up to...

First up is Countryfile magazine, which is taking newsagents by storm. The second issue is out now complete with my own experiences of dog-sled racing in Scotland. Find out more over at our website

Second up there's the book I've been editing with my good friend and partner Mark Wright. Doctor Who - Short Trips: The Ghosts of Christmas is out soon and features a festive collection of yuletide tales of time and space. You can pre-order the book here and even download an excerpt by Mark and myself by clicking here!

There's more news on the horizon, so watch this space...

BBC Countryfile Magazine podcast

2007-08-30T21:23:00.001+01:00

Hurrah! You lucky people can download the first BBC Countryfile magazine podcast. Here are the links to hear it yourself...

Click here to subscribe via itunes

Click here to listen to it as a MP3

See BBC Countryfile magazine online now!

2007-08-23T13:45:00.000+01:00

You can now check out a special digital preview of BBC Countryfile magazine that you can see online right now!

You can use your mouse to turn the pages and click anywhere to zoom in for a closer look. You'll also able to watch an exclusive message from John Craven, flick through an example of issue one's content or listen to me as I reveal the exciting plans for the magazine. Click here to see it!

Enjoy!

Frankly, it wasn't Roger Moore

2007-08-05T21:50:00.000+01:00

Hello, I used to be a blogger, but then real life got in the way...

However, after a short break I am back with an amazing fact of the day...

The late Mike Reid, who played Frank Butcher in Eastenders was Roger Moore's stunt double in The Saint.

Who would have known?

NEW SHORT STORY! Benny and Louise

2007-06-11T08:26:00.000+01:00

Mark Wright and myself have a new short story in the upcoming anthology from Big Finish Bernice Summerfield - Missing Adventures. The story - Benny and Louise - starring a younger version of everyone's favourite space archeologist also features the return of a monster from another Big Finish line.

Click on the link above to preorder today!

Cav & Mark take over The Tomorrow People

2007-05-03T19:10:00.000+01:00

Well, the secrets out. Mark Wright and myself are taking over as Producers of Big Finish's The Tomorrow People line of audios. We've known for a while and we're very excited. Our first audio as Producers will hit the shelves spring 2008.

In the meantime, the next TP audio Rachel by Nigel Fairs is out soon and is absolutely stonking so pre-order it today!

NEW PLAY - The Tomorrow People - War of the Slarvians

2007-04-18T10:31:00.000+01:00

Mark Wright and I have worked together on another audio play, our first since 'Doctor Who - Project: Lazarus' in 2003. War of the Slarvians is the third play in Big Finish's sixth Tomorrow People series. It's released this October.

It features the giant space snails we created together and who first slimed onto the scene in Mark's The Slarvian Menace.

There's not much info I can offer at the moment, but as the teaser blurb says "A Slarvian spaceship crashlands on Earth; the Slarvians are at war and they're begging for help."

All I can say is that this won't be the only appearance of the Slarvian's this year!

This is me... apparently... Bwa ha ha haaaaa

2007-04-17T19:34:00.001+01:00

You Are 54% Evil

You are evil, but you haven't yet mastered the dark side.
Fear not though - you are on your way to world domination.

How Evil Are You?

Thoughts on the gym

2007-04-03T13:22:00.000+01:00

While killing myself on the cross-trainer today I considered what my gym does to encourage its members. First is the fact that you can hire out DVDs for free if you keep coming back. Brilliant, although it has worried me that I joined for the chance of seeing The Whole Nine Yards than worrying about my abs.

Then there's the dance music pumped around the gym. This, is suppose is to provide an up-tempo beat to train along to. I guess that training to Morrissey wouldn't be so inspiring. However, I suspect that the music has more to do with the fact that in the part of the gym mainly used by men, they show the video to the song on large screens. Today, every video featured slim, young girls in various states of not wearing many clothes at all gyrating to their song. 'Perhaps this has more to do with it. Gym member,' these young sirens are saying, 'if you push that treadmill up to 13 and work a little harder you will be fit enough to come and talk to girls like me.'
Trouble is, after an hour in the gym I'm a wreck and even if I wanted to meet those who The Field magazine would call fine young fillies (and if my wife's reading this I'm not so please don't break my legs when I get home with a spatula), I'm a wheezing, puffing cripple and therefore slightly more alluring than a three-thousand-year mummified cadaver.

I suppose the last encouragement is that the people who staff the gym all look like their in the peak of condition and no-doubt are. One of the guys I have been told can crack a walnut using his bicep although I have no idea how you do such a thing. I think I would have trouble squashing a grape. You are greeting by an exceptionally friendly but somehow intimidating row of shiny teeth and well-defined chests on reception. I guess this should have me leaping up the stairs to the changing room thinking 'that could be me', but instead it makes me suck my gut in a little more and secretly wonder if my torture on the leg-press is actually working.

Therefore I think that all gyms should have at least one receptionist that looks like Johnny Vegas. If you were greeting by Johnny holding a pint in one hand and a kebab in the other you would immediately feel better about yourself and, in an improved state of mind, work harder on the equipment.

I cannot believe no-one's worked this out before...

BBC Countryfile magazine

2007-03-23T14:48:00.000Z

Today we've announced the identity of the top secret project I've been working on.

In October BBC Magazines will be launching BBC Countryfile magazine, based on the BBC One programme of the same name, with yours truly as Editor.

The Media Guardian did a great story on us here

It will be a practical, people-centric lifestyle mag covering all aspects of country life and green, sustainable living and I am very, very excited.

More news to come...

Help Jacob's Quest for Knowledge

2007-03-22T08:41:00.000Z

My mate Dave's little boy Jacob is asking people to pop by his blog and tell him about where they live. So if you're reading this from a far-off land such as America, Romania or Skegness then pop over and leave a comment.

I'm editing a Chrimbo Doctor Who short story collection! Fa la la la la!

2007-03-22T08:32:00.000Z

A wee bit of news. December 2007 will see the publication of the short-story collection 'Doctor Who - Short Trips: The Ghosts of Christmas' edited by me, Cavan Scott and my good friend and writing partner, Mark Wright. The hardback anthology will be published by here

More information as it comes.

Selling everything he owns...

2007-03-20T20:20:00.000Z

Via that fantastic podcast HomeTown Tales I have heard about a chap from Pittsburg who is trying to sell everything he owns on ebay. It's not some buddist thing, he just wants to raise the readies to go driving all over the United States.

You can check out his blog here.

The entire kit and kaboodle is currently going for $6,000 A bargain considering all the gear that's available.

Although has anyone asked why he owns a Mannequin Head?

10 PLACES TO VISIT THIS WEEKEND WITH DODGY NAMES BEGINNING WITH 'B'!

2007-03-02T14:54:00.000Z

The British Countryside is full of quaint and charming place-names. Some however seem only to have been named to give schoolboys something to snigger at...

1. Badgers Mount - Kent
2. Bell End near Lickey End - Worcestershire
3. Boggy Bottom - Hertfordshire
4. Booby Dingle - Herefordshire
5. Bottom Burn - Fife
6. Breasty Haw - Lake District
7. Brown Willy - Cornwall
8. Bummers Hill - East Hertfordshire
9. Butt Hatch - Essex
10. Butty Moss - Cheshire

I think you can get creams for some of those!

This was taken from THE WEEKLY COWPAT a new email newsletter offering a sideways look at the British Countryside. You can subscribe to it yourself by going to www.thecowpat.co.uk if you so desire...

How not to act by Nicholas Cage

2007-03-02T09:12:00.000Z

Why did you do it Nicholas Cage? Why did you get involved in the Whicker Man remake?

Why? Why? WHY?

Did you lose the ability to act as soon as the cameras began rolling? If these clips are anything to go by that's the only logical conclusion.

You have to watch these! I never thought I'd see Nicholas Cage in a bear suit slugging a woman, but now I have. Remember these were supposed to be scary, not funny!

Step away from the bike!!!

Green Hypocrites?

2007-03-01T11:16:00.001Z

I can't help agreeing with Mark Lynas in this article in The Guardian. If journalists and right-wing activists continue on this hypocrasy witch-hunt on high-profile figures willing to take an environmental stand then no-one will put their head over the parapet and make a stand.

Yes, we have to make a change. Yes, the more we do the better. But sometime activists have to be aware that campaigning has to be balanced with realism.

It's a fine day says Rolf Harris

2007-02-21T11:40:00.000Z

Bag Pipes. Didgeridoos. Rolf Harris.

Three things you would not expect to hear on a dance track.

Until Now.

'Fine Day' will cheer you up whatever your mood and you can listening to it at my MySpace page.

While you're there you can always add yourself as one of my friends. Will you be my friend? Will you?

Changing Times

2007-02-19T15:08:00.001Z

A lifetime ago when working on T3 Magazine I wrote that one of my ambitions in life was to steal some of Britney Spear's hair and clone an entire army of Britney's all wearing the red rubber costume from the 'Whoops I did it again' video. They would then wait on me hand and foot.

Now, I have the chance. All I need to do is buy some of her recently shaved locks and double-check my collection of rubbish sci-fi films to work out how to grow her in a test-tube.

However, I now find that the thought of being surrounded by 1000 Britneys is quite distressing and I'd much rather clone, say, Emma Thompson.

Is this a sign that I'm getting older?

The Joy of Roasts

2007-02-19T14:12:00.000Z

On another blog I was visiting someone said a post about a roast sunday dinner was a lame topic about a post.

I can think of much worse topics.

There's just something very comforting about a sunday lunch. Something that reminds you of the past. Something that gives you a wistful thrill for a time that probably never existed and reminds you, for just an hour, that things haven't changed that much. OK, the climate is shifting. OK, the world doesn't seem so safe. But whatever happens you will always have roasties, yorkshire puddings and horseradish source.

It's time for family and friends to sit down and enjoy time together. To laugh, joke and pass the mint sauce. For once, you can forget about sitting in front of the telly with a tray on your lap and enjoy eating in other people's country. To remember the time that Grandma let off when she was tucking into the stuffing or dad was caught feeding his parsnips to the dog. It's a cosy room when the rain lashes down, the smoky, oaky smell of an old pub. It's home.

It's the one meal where you're allowed to view the world, your past, present and future with rose-tinted-glasses.

It's nostalgia on a plate.

But what is your favourite roast dinner? Is it lamb? Beef? Chicken? Take part in our poll and let us know what you'd rather have alongside your spuds and carrots...

I Hates Macs says the Guardian's Charlie Brooker

2007-02-05T11:55:00.001Z

And so in today's Guardian, Charlie Brooker has a go at Macs in his 'I Hate Macs' opinion piece.

His anger has been peaked by the Mitchell and Webb ads where he points out that Webb's Mac persona might be a bit on the smug side.

Well, Mac users can be smug obviously as our machines are safe, easy to use and just plain lovely. Obviously Mr Brooker would see my comments here as a justification of his point but I couldn't care less.

And the reason I dismiss your views Mr Brooker? Because you dare have a pop at my beloved Mac? Nope! Because you call Mac users mediocre idiots? 'Fraid not!

You see, Charlie-boy, I would have cared a lot more about your argument if you hadn't included this sentance...

"When I sit down to use a Mac, the first thing I think is, "I hate Macs", and then I think, "Why has this rubbish aspirational ornament only got one mouse button?"

Journalism at its best. Mr Brooker was obviously so wound up when he wrote this little piece that he failed to perform a one-minute research session in which he found out that the Mighty Mouse can indeed click both ways. He claims that the Mac ads slag off PC users with a series of sweeping generalisations. Shame he didn't think to get his facts right before he did the exact same thing about Mac users. Charlie obviously hates Macs, the trouble is, he hate Macs from about five years ago it seems...

We've adopted Jim Branning

2007-01-09T13:04:00.000Z

You can adopt anything now. Monkeys, Dolphins, even Nuns. I have therefore chosen to adopt a soap character. The Cavblog is proud to have adopted Jim Branning.

We're proud that our support of Jim will help conservation work of genuinely humorous characters in Albert Square, a rare breed indeed.

And to welcome Jim, lets just have a little watch of my favourite moment from TV so far this year.

What is your favourite type of roast dinner
	Pork
	Beef
	Lamb
	Chicken
	Turkey
	Duck

Free polls from Pollhost.com